Random Ramblings

Christmas Shopping

2005-12-12T09:40:00.000-08:00

I got to go Christmas shopping for my son this weekend. He's three years old, full of energy and, like all 3 year old boys, loves to rough-house. So I'm wandering through the toy iles of Target when I come across the Nerf dart gun section. Now these are cool - they have air powered dart guns, auto-loading dart guns with 8 dart magazines, bow and arrow dart guns... I ended up with a spring operated single shot pistol... with a laser sight. Every kid needs a dart gun with a laser site! Where were these when I was a kid?

Now I know there are poeple out there who think its horrible that I let my kid play with guns. And, after carful consideration of these compelling and well researched arguments, I kindly suggest that these people kiss my ass. If you are offended by this recommendation, please try not to be offended so easily.

Merry Christmas!

Sockman

2005-12-01T12:26:00.000-08:00

I am Sockman.
I pursue three year old little boys
Pelting them with dirty socks until they collapse
Then tickle them mercilessly
I am Sockman. Fear me.

Note: The above blog is the result of a supernatural amount of stress, sleep deprivation, and child rearing. The author assumes no responsibility- for anything - at any time. Period.

More Dragon Meat

2005-11-14T12:27:00.000-08:00

"What are we having for dinner daddy?"

"Dragon meat. Want to see?"

I lift Sean up to see the lump of tritip that's sitting on the kitchen counter. He ohhs and ahhs.

"Where did you get that dragon meat, daddy?"

"I got it at the grocery store."

"No way." He's figured out, there no such thing as dragon meat...

"That's the dragon that attacked you and you took his head off!"

Somehow it's more plausible that I killed and butchered a dragon in my own home than to buy pre-butchered dragon meat at the store. Oh well, he still ate it...

Dragon Sandwiches

2005-11-04T07:49:00.000-08:00

"What happend to your arm, daddy?"

Think fast. "A dragon bit me!"

"no way!"

"Yep. I was walking down the hall and a dragon jumped out and bit me on the arm! So I grabbed him by the neck, yanked off his head, sliced him up and had him on a sandwich!"

"oh... I like dragon sandwiches!"

I've been busy

2005-11-04T07:44:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted for a really long time. There are three good reasons for this.

#1: On August 19th, 2 years, 364 days, and 12 hours after my son was born, we had a daughter. Evelyn Therese. I have no idea how to post pictures on this thing, so you'll have to check out her mommy’s page (hit the link dummy)

#2: Work has been insane. My company has hired three people to help with my workload. Two have been fired and the last one up and quit.

#3: I'm inherently lazy, and blogging has not been a priority. Sorry. Killed another black widow on Wednesday though. 25 for the season.

Updated body count

2005-08-05T09:18:00.000-07:00

As of last Field Visit:

24 Blackwidows crush mercilessly and countless orphans left behind.

Teaching

2005-07-28T13:11:00.000-07:00

One of the great thing about teaching karate is that you can really take out the effects of a bad day on some unsuspecting poor sod and pawn it off as nothing more than just hard-core training that's good for building character.

On Wednesday night I got stuck teaching the white-belt class. The usual instructor screwed up his back and needed me to sub for him. This is normally not a problem, and I usually like to take the adult beginners - usually.

Wednesday was a rough day - I spent almost the entire day dealing with government bureaucracies and general incompetence, so that by the time I left the office, I was in a pretty bad mood and needed to hurt someone. And Behold - a fresh white belt arrives to appease me!

We got through our typical warm-up routine and headed to the back room (the intermediate and advanced class takes the main room) and I started him off on kicks. Actually we only did two kicks (front snap and roundhouse)... in great repetition...broken down by sub-part. Knee up, pause... extend foot, pause... retract foot, pause... set down. Twenty or thirty on each leg (I pretended to count, but didn't really), then moved to the roundhouse kick. With five minutes left on the clock, I set him in a horse stance and told him that this was a great breathing exercise and built character. The poor bastard will probably be barely able to walk today.

This is priceless

2005-06-29T16:57:00.000-07:00

I can't take credit for this, but there is much truth in it:

Dave Carr of the CyberDojo wrote:
I collected these over the years - the first is widely available - do not remember where #2 came from - #3 is from one of Dave Lowry's books.

cup of tea #1: A professor visited a Master to inquire of Zen. Anxious to get to important matters, the professor nonetheless politely accepted the master's offer of a cup of tea. The Master filled the professor's cup and continued pouring as the cup overflowed. Surprised, the professor exclaimed, "The cup is full; no more will go in!" To this the Master replied, "Like this cup, you are filled with your notions and preconceptions. How can I teach you of Zen unless you first empty your cup?"

cup of tea #2: Master Ho had journeyed far from his monastery to meet the famous Zen master, Master Chan. Once the two masters were properly introduced, Master Ho and Master Chan sat down to tea. Master Chan appeared to be somewhat young, and the more he spoke, the more apparent it became that he was inexperienced. Still, he seemed to enjoy the sound of his own voice very much, as he expounded on his own theories, most of which completely ignored the wisdom of thousands of years. Master Ho listened patiently for quite awhile. Finally, he attempted to explain that perhaps Master Chan's disdain for traditional concepts came from the fact that his knowledge of them was only superficial, and before he condemned them, he should first seek to understand them. Almost immediately, Master Chan took his teacup, reached over, and poured the tea into Master Ho's cup. Naturally, as Master Ho's cup was already full, it overflowed and spilled all over the table. "To taste my tea," said Master Chan smugly, as the tea flowed down and dripped all over the startled Master Ho, "you must first empty your cup." Master Ho leaped to his feet as the hot tea scalded his lap, walked around the table, and proceeded to bounce Master Chan off the wall, many, many times. When he was finished, he looked down at the not-so-smug master, lying on the floor, and said, "Before you try to fill up my cup with your tea, you must first be sure it's worth tasting!"

cup of tea #3: I'd brought to my sensei's attention a man who, according to media reports, was able to throw multiple attackers without even touching them. Sensei expressed some derision, but I persisted, taking the opportunity to use a phrase I'd just read and wanted very much to employ dramatically. "Shouldn't I keep an open mind about the possibility of such things? Shouldn't I empty my cup of tea?" Sensei laughed uproariously. Tears came to his eyes he laughed so hard, and finally he sputtered, "Empty cup, full cup, doesn't make much difference if you can't tell tea from horse piss!"

Body Count

2005-06-08T10:13:00.000-07:00

Body count for the season so far:

Black Widows: 19
Wasps: 4
Daddy Longlegs: 2 (these are so common they're hardly worth counting).

Passing on Family Traditions

2005-06-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

I draw a circle with 8 lines coming off it.
"Is that a spider?"
"yah"
"And what do we do with spiders?"
"Squish em like a bug!"

That's how to pass on a family tradition...

Ramblings of Fatherhood 1

2005-05-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

"I pow-pow Darth Vader"

Now there's a statement that'll make a father proud on so many levels.

"Is Darth Vader a bad guy?"

"Yah. I don't like Darth Vader."

He's not quite 3, sitting on the couch with his Buz Lightyear blaster watching Star Wars for the third or fourth time (lost track already). He's seen all the movies now (I mean the three originals, not these knock-offs that Lucas is trying to push). He knows all the characters (including Yoda), and thinks it's really cool when Alderan gets blown to bits. Now, mind you, I'm not encouraging the destruction of entire planets, but considering that they’re a bunch of peace-loving fools who lacked the foresight build weapons to defend their own planet… well, you got to say they had it coming.

It’s enough to bring a tear to a father’s eye.

Spiders...

2005-05-13T11:55:00.000-07:00

I hate spiders.
Mind you, this should not be confused with your typical fear of spiders. I don't run from them, or avoid them. I just believe that it is the grand destiny of any spider crossing my path to be killed. By me. Personally. No special or exotic form of death is necessary - fire, toxic chemicals, or sudden blunt force trauma are all acceptable, as long as death is the final result.

A few weeks ago, I was out on the west side of the San Joaquin Valley (more or less in the middle of nowhere), making a site visit to a monitoring station that is supposed measure water flow and quality. Essentially, the station is an 8 foot tall by 3 foot square steel shed full of a bunch of high-priced electronic equipment that, in this case, doesn't work (I hate technology too, but that's another post). Anyway, when I opened up the shed I found about 2 dozen black widows inhabiting it.

Most people from California have seen a black widow at one point or another. For a spider, they're rather impressive, in a menacing sort of way - all black and shiny, with that perfect red hourglass on their underside. The last one I killed was particularly impressive; about a half inch in breadth. I briefly thought that he might make a good trophy just before smearing his innards on the inside of the steel wall with the piece of lath I was using as my method of execution. I should start keeping a body count.

The Marine

2005-05-05T12:34:00.000-07:00

"Ouss"

Ouss is a formal greeting used in our (and most) karate schools when one enters and leaves the school (dojo). Since very few of us are Japanese, and none of us speak the language, we don't really know what it means or how to properly pronounce it. It's just part of our tradition, and for the most part, that's good enough. The result of this is that most us develop a distinct and unique pronunciation of the word. Kind of a vocal identifier.
In this case, it was one I hadn't heard in about 2 years.

"Good to have you back, Brian." Brian is a marine. For the last two years or so, he's been in Iraq.
"Thank you Sempai." In the dojo, Sempai means “one who leads”, or teacher. His response is technically correct. His rank is 3rd kyu (brown belt) and mine is sandan (3rd degree black). But it does not seem appropriate. I have trouble thinking myself senior to a man who'd spent the last 2+ years in a combat zone, while I'd been sitting in an office, complaining about a heater that couldn't keep my feet warm.

We exchange some small talk while warming up for class, until I can't take it anymore.

"Were you able to stay out of harm’s way?" I ask.

"Yah. It was pretty safe where I was stationed. They would mortar us or rocket us occasionally, but never hit anything. Actually felt safer there than in some parts of town here." He seem pretty nonchalant about it. I ask him if he's out for good or just on break. He says he's home for the moment but just re-enlisted for another four years. Doesn't know what will happen yet.
I finish the b0 kata I'm using to warm up and notice that he's wincing and favoring a shoulder.

"Injured?" I ask.

"Yah, hurt my shoulder in a firefight."

"Really?!" I ask.

"Nah, fell wrong playing volley-ball. Just like to tell people that. It keeps dislocating itself."

That struck me. I consider myself pretty tough. Our classes are intense and I've made it through many a class w/ sprained fingers and toes and even a cracked rib. But I think I'd stay home if I had a shoulder that kept coming out of its socket.I remember watching the shows on the discovery channel about the training military units get, thinking "I could do that." Well, no, I can't. That kind of training requires more than good physical conditioning and determination. You've got to be nuts too. I'm just glad there are people like Brian around so that I can stay at home with my son.